A Letter tO mYselF

Dear Victoria,

 

You know what? I feel tried. You always said that you know many things, but don't know why you can't practise it. Do you know where the problem is? The problem is you don't dare and you don't want. I think maybe it's because your low level of self confident. You can't take "I know all these but I don't know why I can't do it" as excuse to escape from the problem. Please don't think that anyone of your friends can understand or read your mind 100%. I can tell you that no one can do it unless god. They might very clear about your characteristic, but they can't read your mind and of course they can’t choose for you.

Don't choose to beg the people around you but choose for your own good. However, choose the minimize the suffer of the people. Sometimes you feel suffer; uncomfortable, directionless and helpless, you hope someone can help you to escape from these. But how you going to escape if you don't run yourself? Don't you think that it's more painful when you are pulled by others without walking?

The End And Another Beginning

h yeah... the final exam has ended finally!!!
Semester break, I'm coming!!!
My course is the last to finish all the subject exam. Haih...
Another courses almost finished early and back their hometown.
So that why, this few days, Kampar is so quite... So scary loh...
I a bit worry about my first semester results in University.
Because I don't think I done well in some of the subject exam.
I do really scare I need to repeat some of the subject. =3
But its already over... I cannot change anything.
So,I'm now trying hard not to think it 1st...
I wanted to enjoy my 2 weeks+ semester break 1st...
KL... I'm back to play around again... haha...

However, I feel a bit upset too... I don't know why...
Maybe I miss something... people...
Maybe my emo comes...
Worry that happiness will not longer again,
Worry things and people will change in sometimes.
I do hope to cry out loudly and alone. T.T
Maybe this can make me release my emo...
Or I should laught loudly to relax...
I had no idea...

During the final exam, my life like a zombie life.
Although tried and pressure, left many memories to me also la...
With a friend, Adeline chat each other almost whole night.
Funny is I know this friend not longer than 1 month,
but so many topic to chat... haha..
Feel sorry to her also,because let her become zombie too. >.< I think Adeline won't blame me, right? haha You next semester also not in Kampar le... Don't miss me wor!? You need to gambateh during training in KL wor... Wait you come back Kampar and I accompany you watch sunrise. Wish you all the best la!!!

mY first presentation in Universtity (part 2)

Wow... all girls and boy look like office ladies and office boy...
Everyone wear formal during the presentation week.
Girls pretty and beautiful... Boys handsome and charming... haha..
Hope to see they wear again...

mY first presentation in Universtity (part 1)

Is been a tried month on Aug... because in a day i almost have 2 presentation..
Although is tried, I also feel happy of it.
Because let me improve my skills
and also not need to wear so formal in a few day... haha
Wearing so formal in Kampar do really very hot.. keep sweat..

~to be continue~

WoRdS to mYself... =.=

~ 对生活中，难以避免的那些悲苦失望的时刻，~
~ 应该用欣赏的心情去体味和面对，并练习去适应。~
~ 你会发现，一切的苦乐成败都为我们充实了生命的内容。~
~ 你更会发现， 快乐固然值得欣慰，
~ 痛苦也会使人有另一方式的收获。~


~ 凡事都是一种学习，别太在乎每一件事情的结果，~
~ 过程胜于结果，无需埋怨，只须努力。~

Deep Feeling... Deep impression..

Is been a long time didn't update my blog...
Because happened many thing in this pass few week.
Is been tough and hard weeks for me to go through it...
Long story... I don't know I should start from where to talk!?
I can't describe my feeling, can't explain... ...T.T
Just know tears and sad is deep inside my heart..
I trying my best to control it well,
I trying to pretend it well too... Not to let others know.
But, I now only realize, I poor and bad in pretend.

"Self disclosure" is not a good action and idea, Victoria!
"Self disclosure" make you wake up from a dream.
Rules which you belief so long, just a dream, is wrong action!
I done a big mistake...
A mistake that I cant even forgive myself.
A mistake that let me learn how to protect myself.
A mistake that let me know more well others thing...
This lesson is make me pay out more than I think...

Memories... promises...

Friday that day, I took train back KL again.
Miss there... Really wanna go back..
So decide miss 1 lecture class on Saturday.
Actually, I Saturday not class de lar...
Suddenly, replace class on that day.
And still so long hours. Finish class on 2pm lu..
Reach back KL almost night liao lo..
And I really got important thing to do ma!
So miss it loh!
But call friend help me sign attendance list. Hehe...

Yesterday, Saturday morning, around 6.30am,
I and a old friend, William back our secondary school
~ CHONG HWA IND. HIGH SCHOOL~
to visit our best friend, bei bei. Haha..
She still studying upper six, taking STPM.
This year exam lu... Bei bei, wish u good luck la~~
Unfortunately, miss another friend go with us, Zhi Yee. Haih~
I find her go out eat breakfast before she start class de,
But, Bei bei told us that she wanted to make breakfast for us eat.
So, told us to go her class wait her ohh..
In that moment, I do feel like I back to form six.
Back to our happy time.
I choose early in the morning go find her take breakfast,
It is because really miss that time,
4 of us best friends, Zhi Yee, William, Bei Le & Me,
take breakfast in school canteen everyday morning almost 4 years.
And also, on last year, form six,
4 of us get bored to eat our school canteen food,
so decide take turn cook thing to school for our breakfast and lunch.
Still can save money leh.. =.=
We still bring chopstick, bowl, and glass cup put in a box leave at school cupboard,So exaggerate lar~
Every recess time, must be go to my class or go bei bei class eat lunch.
Then, must be many others friends look at us de...
Feel a bit "xia shui" on that time.
But now I feel happy to have a memory like that.
Yo, my best friends, still got remember what thing that your guys done before anot?!
Miss that time very much loh... T.T
Hope we still will gather in the future no matter where 4 of us go...
Specially, u, William,
Go so far study de, Don't dare you, forget 3 of us.. hehe..
Hope our promise will come true...
4 of us can save money go Romania find you.




After, I go back to secondary school,
I start thinking many things.
Or i should say many sad and happy memories flow in my mind.
I visited few of our old teachers and friends that still study in school.
My teachers said that my skin is darker and darker,
and also said that my skin is the symbol to let them rmb me oh..
Don't I should laugh or sad..hehe..

Don't why, back to secondary school,
and hometown see my friends and dad
Let me feel so motivate and a bit upsad.
Motivate is ~ I can get good results to have a chance fly out to oversea study...to change my family situation now...to have a life I wanted so much..
Upsad is~ I really can do it ma...I still too weak.. no matter which aspect...